Fake Questions for Real People

Question: if you were to be injected Bill Gates’ world vaccine and enough stories had been going round to leave you just that bit suspicious of his messianic project, which of the below would you consider an acceptable health risk in light of the need to maintain your position in society?

Case A: Bill Gates has a track record of delivering dirty needles – Kenya, India – and has enthusiastically spoken of his desire to rid the world of a large portion of its population. Rich people and strong convictions, that has always been a dangerous combination. We like our rich fuckers to be ordinary assholes of the Bezos type. Will you follow Kill Bill?

Case B: This is the moment. We are being injected a microchip. Future here we come. From now on all our movements and emotions can be traced and punished. It will probably even be difficult to arrange your own death. Are you ready to accept the mark of the beast? US House Resolution concerning this possibility was conveniently numbered 6666. Convenient to freak everybody out, I mean.

Case C: Covid has been pampered with. It behaves as an ordinary cold virus but then there is this nastiness that not only kills many people but also leaves a lasting scar on survivors, making inevitable herd immunity all that less attractive. Yet knowing that some people have been willing to create a devasting bioweapon and no government has been seriously interested in finding out its origins, would you trust anybody offering you a vaccine these days? “Psst, mate, I’ve got an illegal copy of Gates’ vaccine. Yeah, it’s called openvaxx. Much cheaper.”

Case D: All actions by our leaders have been nefarious. Health professionals are trying to make the most of an impossible situation, ridiculed by an absolutely disgusting mainstream press. Do it for the boomers, they tease us while we are self-quarantining for fear of hefty fines, go broke for the boomers. I say: look mate, we all die, even boomers do, we can’t close off the economy for you, so close off yourself. We can help you with that. We can spend money on you. As harsh as it sounds, that’s the truth. I’m next in line and I know my generation will be called well before the age difference has passed and in the meantime I shall have to live with damage done. Yet I intend to accept my fate without sacrificing the young. Old people have always known when it was their time to leave. Boomers, you have had it amazing. No generation has lived so many years in affluence, everything going for you, big fun and planning to live for ever. Well, no. You see, planet mothership can’t handle so much pollution, so we need to radically cut down on that. And according to the deciders you’re not supposed to be able to convert to that new reality. Neither are X. But they can’t cull us all at the same time. Culling is hard work and needs to be organised, see, so X gets to live another round. That’s life in the 21^st century for you, boomer, unless you would set us free now to see if we can kick some shit out of those who ordered the whole thing. It’s us against them for the first time in consumer paradise. Some countries have been left on the way and many have never belonged, but for us wealthy earthlings this is all new. Now we are the ones left behind. Is that worth keeping your job for?

Please mark the cases that best resemble your feelings. In case none do, nevertheless mark any as incorrectly filling out a form is punishable by new law*. So, to recount your task, which of these health risks would you find acceptable, take on the chinnable so to say, in case of obligatory vaccination? You may mark any number of cases between one and three, yet no zero or four. In the exceptional case you still must reject all these dangers, consider our bailout case E, stating unequivocally the willingness to join in any form of peaceful disruptive mass protest.

*An allusion to the new normal law, which may or may not be in vigour yet.